Entries by J. Anasilan

Angels Everywhere

I’m placing my journal entry here tonight. These women seem to be all on a mission of some sort and I believe God has a reason I am encouraged and yet keep checking my soul desires too. I’m angry 400,000 churches gather every Sunday to worship God and teach God and we have 400,000 orphans […]

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Not afraid to Ask

God woke me at 3:25 am with a text from a flight attendant asking me to switch my maui trip for her standbye next week. I thought for a moment, “Is this a joke? Is she crazy?” And God said to me, “She’s not afraid to ask.” And that hit me hard. Yesterday was a […]

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From Trouble to Treading Upon

Last night I watched videos by Steve Harvey and he spoke of visions from the Lord, suggesting to his audience to read Hebakkuk 2. As I woke this morning, I ordered a devotional he recommended called “Jesus Calling” and then went to this scripture he spoke of. The first thing I noticed as peculiar was […]

Seaside, Steve & Son

God thank you for the hope in the 3 bedroom apartment by the ocean at Will Rogers. I didn’t get to see it because the door was locked and i know that only you can open doors so I trust there was a reason for this. I went to the ocean and had pep in […]

FREE WILL

I feel like I came here to California and have been on this crazy journey that began in 2016 when my life was turned upside down just to learn a lesson about free will. No matter what we do, how much we sacrifice or how deeply we love another, they may never love us back. […]

Sadness

I’ve been sad for so long now. I wear a smile and disguise my voice like I’m a cartoon character sent to spread joy into the world. I pass out prayer candles and inside I feel like a fraud as I repeat the same stories. I tell others about the miracles I witnessed in an […]

They’re all Gone. It’s over.

I feel it all ending. I’m not sure what it is but it’s not in my control. Perhaps the very root of suffering is found in trying to be in control. Maybe I shouldn’t want to know what happens next because trying to collect clues and crack the code causes expectation and disappointment.

The Book

My daughter is reading it and she sent me a ton of messages last night about coming back together with her dad. She discussed his miracle in healing and that the devil is a liar to say he’s stuck like this. I am torn in this all because I know that man broke my heart. […]

Terrified to go Back

I flew to Hawaii and felt peace when I walked the ocean. I felt I belonged there. I wish I could live on the beach and be in nature. I wish I could learn to surf and bodyboard. I don’t want to go back to Houston. God did so much to get me out of […]

Candles

I woke up this morning and started to pray. Immediately I was shown a candle. I lit one and I prayed and then I worked out with Tamra and I gave her a fully body massage. Serving others can be hard when the ones we love the most and wish to serve are so far […]